Iron Heart
by Sophia's-Obsessions
Summary: For Spain and Romano, love is a difficult thing, but in the end, it might just be worth it. Based on the UN-Love You 30 Day Challenge.
1. You Were Right About Me

**Chapter One: **** You Were Right About Me**

Lovino Vargas hated awkward situations, much like the one he was in now. Granted, he hated a great number of things, though perhaps hate was the wrong word, but he did hold a great disliking to them. Still, none of that was important. What was important was the situation he had somehow thrusted himself into.

Antonio didn't say anything, simply watched as Lovino avoided his gaze and fidgeted uncomfortably.

It bothered Lovino that Antonio didn't seem as bothered with the situation as he was, he just seemed more lost than anything. How did he ever convince himself that this was ever a good idea? Locking himself in a deserted room after school just so he could talk with his fellow class mate. What's worse, he somehow put Antonio between himself and the door. There was no escaping now.

"Lovi…" Antonio said gently as the younger boy pushed up from the desk and stood tapping his foot.

"Don't call me that!" Lovino snapped. He took a breath and grumbled "I told you to stop calling me that," with the same harshness.

Antonio lifted his hands in surrender, but kept his mouth shut.

Lovino sighed and ran a hand through his hair and looked at Antonio. "Look, I… I just wanted to say that… that you were right, about me."

Antonio looked at him in shock, but let him continue. This was Lovino's chance to talk, to say what he needed to say and really, this was the most Lovino had ever said too him.

"All those things you said the other day—"

"Lovino, I was angry, none of that was—"

"No, sometimes, anger brings out the truth and the other day, all that you said, about me, it was all true."

Antonio clearly did not agree, there was an obvious hint of regret in his features, but he chose not to argue any further, it was clear that Lovino had words planned and wouldn't be swayed.

"It's all true. I'm selfish, rash, inconsiderate, and really kind of an ass. I don't know what got in your head to make you fall for me in anyway, and I'm not going to say that I'm no good for you, but there was one other thing you said."

He paused a moment as Antonio gave him a confused look. If he was being honest, the scene was starting to blur together.

"_Unless you open up to yourself, you're never going to allow yourself to be loved."_ Lovino repeated.

Antonio froze. He remembered it clearly now. It wasn't said out of anger, the anger had long gone by that point, leaving the words floating in air of disappointment.

There was silence for a long moment, before Lovino spoke again.

"It's true and that's why this can never work. You see it, but you just don't believe it, you don't _want_ to believe it. This is how I am, I'm not going to change. Even if I do, it wouldn't be much for the better. I can't be loved, not by you, not by anybody."

Antonio frowned and finally he pushed up from the desk he was leaning against and pulled the younger boy into his arms. "Lovino, that is the biggest lie I've ever heard. You may not return the feelings or accept mine, but I will _always_ care for you, no matter what. Hate me all you want, but that won't change anything."

Lovino allowed himself to be held, if only for a moment before pushing away. Antonio let his arms fall, wishing they could have stayed around Lovino a little longer.

Lovino made towards the door, but paused with his hand on the handle. He turned and looked back at Antonio. "I know."

The Spaniard could have sworn he heard sadness and regret in the tone, but before he could question it, Lovino disappeared from sight, leaving Antonio to wonder if he would ever see the true Lovino ever again.

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**Hello everyone and thank you for reading! Sorry this is so short, but I don't really expect any of these to be too long. ^^ Anyways, they won't all be this depressing, and they won't be in any sort of order, just random scenes. I hope you enjoy all the same. Thank you! **


	2. I Was Wrong About You

**Chapter Two: **** I was wrong about you**

When I first met you, I fell instantly. Well, I shouldn't say instantly. It was slowly, bit by bit, and it never stopped. But eventually it hit me. I was in love with you. Right from the start I was in love, instantly, it just took a while for me to realize it.

All my life I believed that it was impossible to fall out of love, no matter how badly you were hurt or betrayed. You could move on, you could find someone else, you could love again, but you could never stop loving someone once you've started. Even now I believe that to be true more than ever. Your words hurt, but I understood, and my own were as true as ever. I would never stop loving you, no matter how much you pushed me away.

And that's exactly what you did. You refused to accept anything beyond what you know, what you believed to be the truth. About yourself, about me, about our lives. You pushed and pushed and I pushed back. I don't think you were expecting that, because for a moment, you faltered. You let up your guard and I took the chance to slip inside.

It was only for a moment, but it was enough. It was more than I could hope for. Now I knew that there was a chance, even if you refused to see it.

You said you would never change, that you weren't the type of person that was capable of being loved, or at least loving anyone back. As I pushed harder than ever, I started to wonder if that was true. Was it really worth the effort to love someone who wasn't even willing to return the feelings? But I won't give up, I can never give up, not now.

All I can do is hope, with all my heart, that I was wrong about you. I think that you need me more than you want me. I need to break through that iron heart of yours. I need to be that person for you. I _will _be that person for you, even if you don't want me to be.


	3. This Cancels Out the Hurt

**Chapter Three: ****This Cancels Out the Hurt**

This was turning out to be a terrible day. One of those days that left you in a sour mood and everything was horrible no matter how good it actually was. Now it wasn't uncommon to find Lovino in a bitter mood, it generally came as part of his personality and everyone learned to expect it. But today was an exception.

"Out of my way, bastard."

Lovino shoved roughly into an unsuspecting freshman, causing the poor kid to spill her papers and books all over the floor. The Italian didn't even seem to notice.

"Woah! Lovino! Hold up!"

The voice that called out to Lovino was only salt in the wound and Lovino visibly cringed, picking up his pace and shoving past a few more students.

He crossed the finish line of the school doors and stepped out into the warm spring weather, thinking he was safe, he let up a little, surely he wouldn't follow him this far, Antonio was more of a stickler for rules.

As a firm hand landed on his shoulder, stopping him in mid step, he knew that he had let up too soon. Lovino set his foot back down, but refused to turn around. Antonio's hand loosened slightly but remained in place, whether it was for the need of touch or because Antonio couldn't quite yet trust Lovino to not run away, Lovino couldn't quite discern.

"Lovi… Lovino," Antonio said softly, making sure to correct himself. The last thing he wanted to do was to be on Lovino's bad side in this sort of situation. Then again, it wasn't like he didn't have a permanent place already. Actually, Antonio was sure that he was the King and Supreme Ruler of Lovino's bad side, with a castle and everything. Still, that never stopped Antonio from crossing into foreign territory.

"Lovino," he said again, "What's wrong?" _You're more pissy than usual._ Antonio kept this particular words to himself, but they were clearly implied.

"Nothing's wrong," Lovino snapped, trying to shrug off the hand, it had been there long enough.

Antonio didn't move his hand, but was shocked that after a shrug or two, Lovino gave up the fight. "Is this about Ludwig and Feliciano?" he asked gently, edging his way around the conversation, doing his best to avoid land mines.

Lovino finally turned around, but with the look on his face, Antonio couldn't decide if this was an improvement or not.

"What the hell would it be about those two?!" he shouted. There were tears brimming his eyes, but it was clear he was fighting them.

Antonio's chest tightened. He had only once before seen the boy cry and that was when his grandfather died. Lovino hadn't been as close to the man as his brother, but he still took it rather hard. Antonio had barely known the Vargas brothers back then and they were so young he barely even remembered it. But now, Antonio was at a loss as to what would hurt his Lovino so badly.

"You never really liked Ludwig," stated Antonio. He continued on when Lovino didn't answer and avoided making eye contact. "And now they're dating. It's understandable that you're upset."

Lovino muttered something that was much like. "What would you know, you bastard."

"You should try to be happy for your brother Lovino."

This had Lovino looking at him with a harsh gaze. "I'm not going to pretend I'm happy that he's going out with that potato loving bastard! I'm not going to pretend anything! It's stupid and foolish and he'll only get hurt in the end!"

There was a silence between them as they stared at each other for a long, thick moment and suddenly Antonio understood. He understood that look he had seen earlier on Lovino's face, a look that wasn't anger, but something else, he understood the foul mood, the need to flee, the slight shaking in Lovino's hands. He understood the tears.

Without a word or thought, Antonio pulled Lovino close, pressing the younger boy's face into his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist.

_You're hurt, aren't you?_ He wanted to say. _You're scared. You're a frightened child, terrified of losing the only thing he believes he's capable of loving. To make it even worse, you're losing him to someone you can't stand. You're reminded that you believe that you will never be loved and that hurts more than you'll admit, more than you expected. You're hurt that he would leave you. You're going to be alone and that scares you. But you don't have to be, Lovino. If only you would accept what I know you're capable of accepting, if only you could see the part of yourself that I see. The only thing keeping you from love is your belief that isn't possible. Even if you won't love me, Lovino, I refuse to let you be alone. _All of this ran through Antonio's head but never passed his lips. Instead, he held tight to the scared boy in his arms, grateful for the silence that kept Lovino there. It was better this way, anyways. Enough words had been said and Lovino seemed better with the silence.

A warm spot gathered at Antonio's shoulder and though they were silent, Antonio knew that Lovino was crying. Slight quivers passed through Lovino's body, as Antonio held him close, rubbing absentminded circles on the back of his head. Yes, nothing needed to be said, Lovino already understood, all that was needed was the silence to do the rest.

* * *

**Sorry this took so long everybody! I hope you enjoyed it all the same! Next chapter should be coming out soon. **


	4. I Need to Want You

**Chapter Four:**** I Need to Want You**

I'm lost.

These are words I never thought I would ever say, but right now, they are the truth. My world has turned and I don't know which is up. All my life I've been in control, I've had my hands gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles were white and my fingers were numb. And just like that, the steering wheel was gone. My hands were gripping nothing but air and I was falling. Deeper. Lower. There was nothing to stop me and so I just kept flying downwards towards that nothing.

I'm betrayed.

How could this happen to me. I have few friends, as I make sure to pick them wisely. Some might even say that I don't have any at all, but _he_ was always there. I was crude, I was rash. I was overprotective, I was worried. I was far from the doting older brother that you found in books, but I loved him and worried about him and did what I could to keep him safe. He was the one person, the _only_ person I could count on at all times. Now he's gone.

_"I'm sorry."_

He would tell me these words, but he wouldn't mean them. Or maybe he just wasn't meaning them in the way I wanted him too.

I'm selfish.

I wanted him to regret that choice he made. For hurting me. For leaving me. He knew that choice would upset me. That Man made him happy, but what did I care? Did my happiness not count? I wanted him happy, what brother didn't, but not at my expense.

I'm alone.

I never cared before. I've always been alone. You have better control when you're alone. There's no one there to take away the wheel. I liked it that way. He was such a follower, such a weakling, he wasn't a problem. Sometimes he was even nice company. But there is only room for two on this ship of mine, so the choice will have to be his. If I have to sail alone, so be it.

I'm caught.

You're strong hands are there, gently cradling me to the ground. It is unexpected, especially after the never ending fall. I want to push you away, but I no longer have the strength. I lash out, but still you touch me with those gentle hands and no longer do I want to run away.

I'm weak.

I want to stay and be held by you. I want to be told that it will be all okay. It's not like me, but I need that friendly voice that always makes me flinch. I need that kind hand on my shoulder or in my hair. I need that annoying persistence. It's not right, not in my world. To be wanted by you, by anyone would be letting go of the controls, but I already have that don't I? You've wanted me since day one. That's not what I need. What I need is to _want_ _you._

I'm hurt.

I'm broken.

I'm wanted.

I'm wanting.

I'm wanting…

I'm wanting… you.


	5. You Can Be Like Me

**Chapter Five:**** You Can Be Like Me**

Feleciano Vargas was worried about his brother. Lovino has been acting strangely in the past week or so and Feleciano wasn't sure what to do.

"Strange how?" Ludwig asked as Feleciano expressed his worries over lunch one day.

Feleciano frowned and poked at his pasta with his fork. "I don't know, but he doesn't seem happy and he seems more protective but at the same time distant, like he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. What would you do Ludwig?" he asked.

Ludwig was silent a moment as he gave it some thought.

"First of all," he said, after he finished chewing his food and swallowed. "That last bit didn't make any sense, but have you tried talking to him?"

Feleciano frowned shamefully. "Not really, but he doesn't really seem like he wants to talk…"

"Stop being a coward, Fele. Whether he wants it or not, you need to corner him, break down hid defenses and make him tell you all that he knows!" Ludwig slammed his fist lightly against the table, causing Fele to jump.

"Um.."

Ludwig cleared his throat, a little embarrassed by his outburst. "Well, perhaps not quite to that extent, but you get my point."

Feleciano nodded, though he wasn't sure he did.

Seconds later the bell rand and with a kiss on the cheek, the two headed to their separate classes.

After school that day, Feleciano waited for his brother like he usually did, and just like usual, Lovino walked straight past him without a word. But today Feleciano had resolved to finally get something out of his stubborn brother.

"Lovino! Wait!" he called.

As expected, Lovino hardly even paused in his quick steps.

Fele jogged to catch up, and reaching out, grabbed Lovino's hand.

Lovino froze and turned around in shock.

"What's wrong fratello?" Fele asked quickly before Lovino had a chance to escape.

Lovino tugged his hand away but didn't move from where he stood.

"Nothing," he said sharply. "Nothing is wrong."

Feleciano frowned. "Is this about Ludwig, because he's not bad. He's a little scary at first but he's really nice once you get to know him."

"Why the hell would I be upset about that? I don't care about the potato bastard!" Lovino snapped.

"But I really like him fratello. I think you could like him too."

Lovino scoffed. "Like hell. There is no way I could ever like that potato bastard. Now go… do whatever it is you do with him. I'm going home." He stomped off before Feleciano could say anything more but his little brother wouldn't have it.

"He makes me really happy, Lovi. And I really think you could be too," he said, rushing forward and trapping Lovino in a hug from behind. He grasped his brother tightly to his chest for a moment before releasing him. He leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek before running off to who knew where.

Lovino stood there in shock for a long moment before Antonio came up and ruffled his hair slightly.

"How much did you hear?" Lovino asked, his voice a slight growl.

Antonio shrugged. "All of it, pretty much."

Lovino rolled his eyes and started back on his way home. "I don't know what the hell he's saying half the time. He just spouts nonsense."

Antonio chuckled. "I thought it was pretty obvious what Feleciano was trying to say," he said.

The Italian looked over at him with an incredulous look. "And what was that?"

"'You can be like me, fratello. You can be happy too, if you let yourself be loved by the ones who want to love you,'" said Antonio in a mock of Feleciano's voice.

Lovino scoffed. "Like hell. Fele would never say that."

Antonio shrugged. "True, but I think that's what he meant. I think he wants you to be happy as much as anything. He found happiness with Ludwig so he believes that you can find the same happiness if you found someone to love."

"Since when did you get around to thinking that your some smart old wise man?"

The Spaniard chuckled. "Didn't you know? I've always been this way. I love you Lovino. You don't need to go looking too far for that. You know everything I've said is true. So why not follow your brother's advice?"

Lovino was silent. He never did answer Antonio's question, but that didn't seem to bother the Spaniard. Still, part of him answered unwillingly, saying that perhaps he might just do as Antonio said and follow Feleciano's advice. Maybe there was a chance he could be happy, even without his brother by his side.


End file.
